how do you live with depression, i have bad feelings all the time. i sit awake at night not being able to sleep thinking about what i did wrong, or what i have lost. i just wish i could talk to certain people sometimes i think it would help or it would just make me angry, i dont know. i just so confused.

thought some people might think this is funny


Thinking of all the cool creatures that I will meet on this night
Ghosts and goblins and witches roaming the streets in moonlight
Bowls of candy and goodies, delicious and waiting in store
The sound of cute little footsteps as they approach my front door

Letting the children inside to drink beers
Razor blades hidden in three musketeers
Screams from the basement of kids begging to be set free
That's what Halloween means to me

Tightening the clamps that are holding their little heads so tight
Putting my lips to their ears as I whisper please don't fight
I promise I'll let you go home if you swear not to tell a soul
Well I'll just untie these, I'm kidding now where is my chainsaw? Let's rock and roll

A pinch of your brother, a teaspoon of you
With the head of your sister would make a good stew
I'd give you a taste but you're tongue's in the stew; irony
That's what Halloween means to me

Trick-or-treat, smell my feet
Give me something good to eat
Trick-or-treat, smell my feet
Give me someone good to eat

So it almost time i have to decide where i want to got to school next year, but  i am at a loss i have no idea where i want to go.  I could go back to the it but i dont know if i really want to. i was thinking about going to suny Albany but i dont know when i supposed to apply.  I cant screw up like I did, before and i dont want to fall into old habits.  I permentaly lost all intrest in wow, that chapter in my life is long gone.  for now i spend my time thinking about ideas i have writing them dont maybe thats what i will get into.  as far as i know i could get some where with them but idk.
I hope everyone is doing well and look is good. 

ok its been a long fucking time, and i think its about time that i wrote something first of all i want to say that my life has been shit the past 7 months, i got kick out of my school for my own dumb reasons, i lost the person i thought i was going to spent the rest of my life with, and she completly changed on me. but school has been ok i think i got my confidence back. i am going to be applying to a cuple of differents schools. and i hope i get into one. i still miss amanda but there is no practical way we could ever get back together. i still want to get into computer science but i hope im getting on with my life.  whoever reads this i hope you are alll good and living well. It seems like i constantly have regrets, but i think thats what lifes about.

keith

Another day another drunk person or people.

last night I decided to play magic instead of drinking with a few friends of mine. ( I really don't care about drinking anymore Im kind of taking the boter way i.e. not drinking) well back to my story,  when I was walking back to my dorm I went and say one of my friends was obviously very drunk ,rumplemints, and he would not just sit and calm down.  but i also want to see my girlfriend who i neglected at my magic game.  so i went into boters room where they were watching Ghost In The Shell and and ever so often went and did not work so on the situation mind you at the time my eyes were killing me probably from a lack of sleep, so at the end of the night after i had fallen asleep on my girlfriends leg, (sorry) we went and check on my friend who was still very drunk , well he had pucked on himself and all over the chair he was sitting in. so we went out to see fluffly the neighborhood good guy. (great guy, deserves alot, and i never want to treat him like shit). well the instant we had left boters dorm he looked down for his keys to find that he did no have them, we tried ring the door bell but that did not work so we took boter down and let him sleep in our common room to sleep the night, (of course i felt terrible for him because i wanted him to feel comfortable so i tried to make him as comfortable as can be, I wanted to sleep over there bu my girlfriend was going to leave and i wanted to be with her so I left with her, and this is the morning after.

Well hello all in cyber space, I am feeling okay today even though I missed my first and only class, oops.  I feel like I am forgetting alot lately.
I just wanted to say that I am a Geek and will always be one, (to the protest of my family).  So yes I do play D&D,  one problem that I had Lately was in a campaign with one of my sort of friends nick name Spiro  (not like the purple dragon) . Well my problem was that I was a relatively new RPer or role player, so during this whole campaign I felt lost because everyone else had been playing for years, and i was getting completely  and utterly bored. SO I QUIT. Now the DM Spiro is kind of pissed at me and I don't want a friend pissed at me, so this is my quandary.
 

WTF I am posting for the first time and wanted to say "blah"
well not necessarily "blah" just "blah" I have not slept yet,and it has been 24 hours and I am trying to go for 48 hours, music that will help. I need energetic music techno or hard rock. well I might sleep in a little maybe.